Diversity Corner Diversity Dimensions: Working through the small things that keep us apart - Part II

In June’s Horizon, we described one of the new frontiers in diversity; namely, the hundreds of unconscious snap judgments we make about people everyday - most of which may be perfectly accurate, but some of which are incomplete, or even completely wrong. Now, we're not talking about the broad sweeping judgments that most of us readily recognize as untrue (i.e. "Women don't belong in upper management!"). Like the modern workplaces we live in each day, most of us have rejected these blatant biases, and have a firm commitment to fairness and equity, valuing diversity and promoting inclusion as part of our core belief system.

So it’s hard for us to confront the reality that despite our best intentions and our absolute commitment to not be the kind of person who pre-judges another, we sometimes do just that. However, it's worth overcoming our initial denial about how we unconsciously fall short. And even though it's uncomfortable, there's real value in recognizing the effect of our natural preference to favor those who look like, think like, and act like us. So how do move our best intentions into real life behavior so we better live out our core beliefs, and at the same time positively impact our organization's bottom line? This second and concluding part of "Diversity Dimensions: Working through the small things that keep us apart" looks at a simple and winning approach to overcoming our natural, but sometimes mistaken, perceptions.

So how do these snap judgments sometimes get us into trouble? The main culprits are tacit assumptions (i.e. unconscious assumptions) about others that sometimes can be inaccurate. Those misreads, particularly in the workplace, can lead to mistrust, a breakdown in communication, and feelings of alienation, all of which can spell real trouble when assembling a team or building a workforce to take your organization to the next level. A brief sampling of innocuous behaviors that can sometimes build barriers in the workplace include:

• the same group of guys going to lunch everyday and not inviting a co-worker
• checking emails in a meeting
• colleagues frequently having workplace discussions in a language others cannot understand
• giving constructive feedback in a public setting, like a hallway
• taking a call in a meeting
• being left off an email distribution list
• checking a Blackberry and sending messages during a presentation
• scheduling meetings at the last minute
  

These actions seem innocent enough, and almost certainly there's no bad intention behind them - and that's the tough part, because nobody intends for their natural behaviors to be taken in the wrong way. But these real world examples can, from a different perspective, cause real trouble that can take us by surprise. The stakes are high, because when seen from a different perspective these behaviors can make others feel slighted or isolated. And those feelings often emerge as critical issues of trust and respect.

Here's a classic example. Imagine a team of individuals hand-picked for their deep subject knowledge and complimentary skill sets. In spite of the bright promise of so much talent, the team just isn't firing on all cylinders. Attention falls on a brilliant technical wizard named Larry, whom everyone acknowledges as the smartest guy in the room. Unfortunately, soft-spoken Larry doesn't speak up in the group's freewheeling meetings, where a lot of ideas are hashed out and critical groundwork for decisions is laid. When Larry sends out his contributions after a meeting by email, it's received with baffled resentment. Doesn't this guy get what meetings are for? Larry becomes more withdrawn, and communication and productivity head downhill.

It's a vicious circle, fueled by two conflicting tacit assumptions. One group, the fast-talking, highly competitive colleagues, perceive Larry as quietly arrogant, not a team player, and assume he's protecting his intellectual property. Meanwhile, Larry, whose problem solving and conversational style expects pauses and room for reflection between speakers, can't get a word in edgewise during meetings. Larry perceives his colleagues as arrogant, disrespectful and pushy.

So what can be done to get the team past the barriers and back on track to the high performance for which they were hand-picked? The key to diffusing this situation, and others like them, is to remain neutral, surface and identify the subconscious (tacit) assumptions that drive the misunderstandings, and focus on a mutual goal. This is at the core of what we describe as the No Fault, No Guilt FYI™ process. It’s based on the premise that people do the best they can, with what they have to work with (the “no fault assumption”). By staying neutral, assuming no fault, and placing no blame, all parties are free to focus on the mutual goal, and work toward resolving the problem.

Here's how we start. Step one involves naming the issue, and assessing its impact. Choose one issue at a time, and put it on the table. Take a look at it from different angles: what does it look like? How does it show up in interpersonal dynamics? Who is affected? How much does it matter? Assess the issue's importance, and then decide whether it merits any action.

If action is merited, move on to step two, which is about shaping the message in a way that will increase its chances of being heard and understood by everyone involved. Here, you get calm and stay clear by separating three key components: the behavior, its impact, and how you feel about it. Establishing a mutual goal (i.e. increasing team communication in meetings) outlines your shared values and reasons for addressing the issue. Then you find a safe, comfortable place and time to deliver the message, and in a way that best suits the situation. Some circumstances might call for a team building focus group session, while others might suggest a third party "go-between," or an individual face to face meeting, or using a go-between.

Step three sets out guidelines for delivering the No Fault, No Guilt FYI™ message. The most important thing is to describe the behavior in a clear, non-judgmental way that places no guilt, assumes the other party is NOT at fault, and seeks to understand and identify small changes that might work better in future (i.e. Larry's colleagues: "Larry, we'd really like you to participate more in meetings. Is there something we can all do to help make that happen?").

Step four, the response to this initiation, is as important as how the message is delivered. The first step for the recipient: take a deep breath, and thank the person for coming forward. Perhaps the answers to our questions may not be what we're expecting, but if we're in a blame-free, neutral environment, we open the possibility of seeing things in a new way.

It sounds pretty basic, but it’s surprising the trouble we can find ourselves in if we don’t know how to identify and respond to our own tacit assumptions and the micro-barriers they can create. We hope our model will assist you in those discussions. And as we said at the outset, big differences can come from small changes. The key to making it work for both parties: both sides agree to address the issues in a neutral way, assuming no fault, and placing no blame. In this way, both sides walk away winners.

Most every organization's greatest expense - and asset - are its people. Diverse workplaces are a fact of life, and working to overcome the unintended barriers our tacit assumptions can create helps build productivity, healthy communication, and employee satisfaction. Overcoming these underground but powerful barriers to trust and communication can help put things back into alignment, and that hand-picked team made up of such talented individuals can start working the way it was intended. By using a blame-free approach that encourages low-risk opportunities for small, incremental changes we can live out our core values, and contribute to a healthier bottom line.

Tasnim McCormick Benhalim is the principal of Diversity Wealth, a firm dedicated to bringing the benefits of diversity and improved productivity to organizations large and small. Among her most popular workshops are Unpacking the Invisible Briefcase™, and the No Fault - No Guilt FYI™, which offer practical insights and a working model for addressing subtle barriers in our diverse workplaces. You can find out more at www.diversitywealth.com.

Kim Malcolm is lead writer at Diversity Wealth, and has a deep interest in diversity issues. A Katy Award winning journalist, she has worked in public broadcasting for ten years, with the Canadian Broadcasting Corporation, NPR and KERA 90.1 in Dallas/Ft. Worth.

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